Another wedding...

 

I have been hearing about a lot of people who have either got married or are about to get married, and when i say people, i mean good friends and close friends. A few expected, and and a few others quite of of the blue.

 

Looks like its the marriage season.. and i am happy for each one of them. Suddenly i get a feeling that we have all grown up, and mostly out of the illusion that we all are still kids , having fun and making merry.

 

I guess its time for many of us to take that leap and make a few life changing important decisions... Marriage being the most important.

 

4 more years and one will be 30 years old. At the rate at which the time is passing by, we would turn 30 even before we realise. Looking back, it seems there is so much to yet to achieve..

 

Hmm.. for me at the moment, what this new signifies is a lot of shopping ( one things i am not so good at)

 

So, here i am, raising a TOAST to my friends

 

Kartik and Vaishali

Gaurav and Ekta

Tini and Deepu

Rajiv & Nancy

Rupak & Rohini

Savita & Arun

Anu & ?? ( special mention, cus i know she would be married off soon, and that too will come as a surprise. So, wishing them in advance)

 

 

Here's wishing each one of them a Great New Happening Life ahead filled with Love

 

God Bless

 

 

 

 

Over a year since i wrote last. Not  that i dont want to, but when it comes down to writing, i dont know what holds me back.

 

A lot has changed since the last time i was here. Family, Friends, Work... everything has changed. The whole equation has changed, and i am still getting to terms with it, and not all of it as good as i may have wanted it to be. But, i am not complaining. Just moving on, and i believ thats the only way to deal with it.

 

Its Christmas eve, and everybody i know is celebrating in their own special ways. i just hope the New Year brings a lot of Good Luck and happy times ahead for all of us. Was remebering Joyce the day before, happens to be his Second Death anniversary, and felt sad. It was worse this year...

 

I want to write more often, and i guess i would consciously make an effort that i do. Keeps me sane, in so many ways.

 

Till I write Next....

 

Adios

 

 

Am here again...........writing after a long time. it was the same feelig when i wrote the last time. It was a feeling of a loss, despair........................ mourning....................

 

And today again.......my mind is filled with so many emotions..................... dejection.................... the feeling still remains the same...............that of helplessness.................. but for a different reason , and a different person. its the first death anniversary of our friend joyce................ and i miss him. i miss talking to him much more than i ever did. it seems it had been ages since i spoke to him. and the last time we did, he showed no signs of stress, or worry or anything that coud lead him to the act of taking his own life. shocked i was, when i heard of it............... disbelief loomed and got the best of me.  how could anyone do that............... Joyce was far too sensitive.................. never knew he had the courage to do something as fierce..........................

 

how could joyce do it........... ? at first i thout my frinds were pulling a prank..............and i thought to myself tht how silly and stupid it was to be joking about somebody's  death.............. but weird were ma friends..........................or may be i was not wanting to accept the fact tht it was the truth. i gues i wanted to believe that it was some kind of joke..............was much better than the feeling of loosing a good friend to death. i did not want to believ tht joyce could commit suicide.  it took a lot of time to really sink in................

 

what drove him to such an act.............. i often wondered? was life being too unfair with him?? was he depressed?? i would never get those answers................. and would have to accept it and move on. if only i was around ? if only i could talk it thorugh with him.............. if only i could be his friend.

 

quite a character he was, even in school. the quiet kinds. a sense of insecurity would always envelope him. and may be thats why he was never too open with anybody. he always felt that we avoided him.............and mey be gave him less attention............ but that was not true............. he was always amongst us, and yet felt out of place. i dont know what it was .......... managed to be in touch off and on even after school. but quite honestly couldnt be regular with the phone calls. like it happens, we all got busy in our own lives....................all those promises while leaving school were left behind.

 

we all move on in life............... for the greater greed in life.......the career, the money , the love...............and what not. and we often forget the samller yet beautiful things that we leave behind.. and after many years we sit back and look at all those things tht we gained and lost in the process of living this life.

 

 

I AM SORRY JOYCE FOR NOT BEING AROUND!! AM SORRY FOR NOT BEING A GOOD FRIEND. I WISH YOU GAVE US ONE CHANCE.....................

 

WE ALL MISS YOU ..................................

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

yeh saajish hain boondon ki koi khwaahish hain chup chup si
yeh saajish hain boondon ki koi khwaahish hain chup chup si
dekho na dekho na
dekho na dekho na
hawa kuchh haule haule zubaan se kya kuchh bole
kyon duuri hain ab darmayaan
dekho na dekho na
dekho na dekho na........

 

I am in love with this song!!! i actually am.addicted to it !!

 

I have been singing this song all day long today... wat a day it has been. i woke up listening to rain failing. Music to ears..... and i just thought  to myself...if only i could sit and watch the rain...........and not go to office. But........as i soon found out.....it was a short lived dream.

 

i jumped out of my bed........and drenched myself in the rain....... every drop of rain that fell as thoigh...tickled ........

 

 

'Shalu... cmon .....now get inside .....or you will fall sick' yelled my mom. She would never know how it felt the rain whispering little something as it fell.........Wow ! wat a feeling !!

 

 

 

 

WOw !! Wat  a pleasant Morning~~~~ 

 

I havent had such a good feeling in days....

 

The wind though....fierce had a calmimg effect .... the cool breeze as if whispered something.... i was so keenly awaiting the first drop of rain to fall ........ anxiously waiting...

 

And there it was drizzling into the Wow Thursday morning.........the rain every delhite had been waiting for.

 

A sense of Deja Vu. Almost invariably it would rain everytime me and G met. And he would jokingly comment how romantic it was....considering how different our feelings towards each other actually were. Last year we were caught up in the first rain of the season. It rained Cats and Dogs. And even the meterological dept had not predicted the onset of such a lavish feast of rain. It was so unpredictable......and it rained furiously that day.

 

Both of us completely drenched in the rain.........caught up in the middle of nowhere........... It was quite romantic but unfortunately we were wrong people at the right pce at the right time.  He so wished to be with his girlfriend........Trying to call her..........And me enjoying evry droplet of rain that  fell on me....the shiver that would accompany with the cool breeze.......

 

Wow it was !!

 

 

 

 

 

LOST is what i am....

 

Caught in a whirlpool.........

 

 

 

 

 

 

How different it would have been....

 

If i could read minds....

 

If could could sense her pain....

 

If i could see her smile always...

 

If I had all the answers....

 

I wish..........

 

 

Saturday 3 A.M.

 A knock on my door...... I hear the faint knock again.... getting up form my sleep i reach for my watch... its reads 3.A.M. I wonder who could it be at this hour... in this strange city. I hardly know anybody here.  I manage to get myself out of the bed……and wander towards the door...my eyes barely open... filled with sleep.

 

I look through the peeping hole... find no one at the other end.......... theres a knock again. In double minds i open the door …...just slightly.... again to find no one.  I fear the worst.... and yet i gather the courage to step out. I turn around .... and to my surprise i see a stark figure...... against the dimly lit corridor....standing with his back against the wall. ... i try and place the person... The face  seems quite familiar......i guess it seemed like a face  i have know for a long time ......i rub my eyes.... just to widen my vision and to wake myself. The face is more clearer now... and another glimpse to the smiling face .....and i am all awake and conscious. I smile in astonishment...This was the best surprise ever... and shocking at that....... Simply unimaginable kinds. It was him….. How can I ever forget that smile…..the cheer which would always brighten my day…and not just mine… everybody else’s too.

 

The last time I saw him was almost 6 years back… and the memories of parting away from him weren’t quite soothing… but I guess that is how it was destined.  So, there he was staring at me, at my doorstep…. When I was least likely to see him ever.  Again as he would always say “ There are some things which are beyond one’s control.”. and I could see how right he was.

 

It had been close to 5 mins and I had still not overcome the surprise of seeing him. I could not believe he was just a touch away….. how badly I craved to talk to him… like I did years ago.

“Hi” said he… as if bringing me back to the real world from my own galaxy of thoughts and memories.

 

His eyes were swollen and he looked tired. As if he had not slept for days… and Now I could see even the smile was  forced. Almost as if we won a battle with his to get that smile on his face…..  I could sense he so desperately needed a shower and some good sleep.

 

I walk towards him…. I wondered , I had to touch and feel him to actually register his presence.. “Hello “ I said. My voice barely audible as I lead him through the door. I had so many questions running on my mind and I knew he could sense it too…...as he always did. I chose not to barge him with a questionnaire…cus I knew he would talk …and open up….. we both had to. There was so much to say ……

 

We sat in the living room…. Silence overtook and we just kept looking at each other. Me out of disbelief .and I just could not  explain his expression…… so many emotions ..and yet he looked cute…the  childlike innocence…. as ever…

 

We had been through so much in the Six years between us……….that everything now was so unimaginable. May be that’s what we call Destiny.

 

“Would you like some coffee” I enquired ! there was no reply. I sensed he was not present even though his physical presence would proved otherwise.

I asked again…. And this time it registered .....and all he said was “sure”. While I made the coffee I realized that the questions in my head just multiplied with every passing minute.

 

Head rested on the couch, eyes closed, that’s how I found him as I walked in.  I thought he was asleep but he wasn’t. He sensed my presence and adjusted himself in the couch. He was trying so hard to keep things away from me…. Holding himself back. He never wanted to appear weak…   ( TO BE CONTINUED........ .)

I wish i could relive the past week.... each and every single moment of it, obviously this time with a few changes here and there !! If only all our wishes could come true!!

Left for Kerala on the 8th of March'06, and the only regret about the whole trip has been my choice to travel by train to kerala. And believe me i did not have too many options.....Although i love travelling by train.... this time it was different. I was travelling alone and had no company even on the train. Thanks to the varanasi Bomb blasts, 70% of the reservations were cancelled, which meant an excrutiatingly boring 48 hours up ahead. There was some relief that came my way through my aunt's call. She wanted me to get down at Coimbotore which saved me from the 8 hours of misery !!

The Kerala trip trned out to be quite good. Lot of travlling though.but fairly good. Met up with a few friends and relatives and got some important work done.

Trip to bangalore was even better. Original plan...was to reach Bangalore early morning and leave in the evening.

I liked Bangalore a lot, but trust me i could have for done without the traffic problem. i mean it took me an hour to cover 4.5 kms. It was unbelievable !! My plight continued all day long.........And thnks to the amazingly planned city i missed my flight in the evening.
So, that meant spending the nght at Bangalore....... which i guess was not that bad a bargain .

Went to OG, 13 floor and had some good time. and took the afternoon flight out of bangalore the next day.

The whole week just went by in a jiffy. i did not even realise.
The only regret is that i could not make it on time for Holi.... i am sure i will make up for it next year.

And since i have come back to delhi...life has become even more hectic with tonnes of work in the office.

Things have kind of settled down and now i am a lot more relaxed.
My friends have given up hope on me......... i dont take their calls...... dont return their calls, do not reply to the messages......

I am really sorry ! Love you all ( for all my frends reading this !)

HAve loads to write....... i wish i had 48 hrs in a day!

How does one smile when all one sees is sad faces all around!!!

 

 

Why is everything so complicated ?? How can life be so complicated ??  Is there a way out ?

 

I guess i am over reacting !!  i guess i need to take a break from office !!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Oh Goodness Gracious !! Cant believe its been more than a week since i created my own MSN space and i havent been able to write something.

Its crazy i tell you. But i must say the whole month has been crazy for me. But somehow i have enjoyed evey moment of it. Good or Bad, i have had a good time.

 

Blog World Rocks......and above all MSN Sapce Rocks!! Its so much more better than the other blog that i have. Evrything is so much is more simpler here......

 

Hoping to come back soon.....and to say my heart out.

 

i have a few people to Thank and i better do it soon.